it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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