I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
