I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
