the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
