I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
