Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
