just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
