I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
