So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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