i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
