"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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