I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
