my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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