your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
