I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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