i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
