anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
