Ambien. No doubt about it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
