she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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