I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm too high and old for this...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
