Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize