It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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