So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
