I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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