im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
babies were throwing up all over the place
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize