It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
