you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
