I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
As shirtless as possible
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
