Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
