I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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