Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
