i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
