Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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