I'm so fucking centered right now
Moan for me like Helen Keller
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize