I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
