I don't usually arrange sex via text message
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
All I want is dick and wine.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
