This is not my ceiling
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the gays at disneyland are vicious
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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