I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize