A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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