sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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