does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
