I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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