I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
