dude i'm inner monologue high
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize