Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
