i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
