Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
