the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
