there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
