Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize