when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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