I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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