What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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