you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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