forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
