I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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