there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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