thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
