WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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