It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
