Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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