she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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