so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
