Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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