Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
