Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
