I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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