Who did Billy Mays play for?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize