I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
