I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
a search helicopter?!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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