I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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