I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
