You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
