yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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