Four minutes until I can fart!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
