I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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