:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
