Sry I called you an 8
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
