hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize