$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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