"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
