We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
