My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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