Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
