1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
