you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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