Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
