Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
