his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
