Who did Billy Mays play for?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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