Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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