you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
