I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize