My hand turned me down
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
