i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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