Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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