SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And then my night got REAL pukey
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize