drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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