Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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