I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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