yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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