and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
