All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
