My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
