That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
