fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
