the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
