i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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