haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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