He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize