was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
