He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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