I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
