Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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