I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
