I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize