I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
