He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
