Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
